one of my computers is majorly fucked up, so i had to transfer all my important files [such as handsome boy modeling school mp3s] over to this computer. well, i was looking through some old text files and i found something i wrote circa 8th grade which is rather terrifying. i remember writing it, but not what i wrote.
it was something i did not want to read and i questioned how stupid i was back then. this was something i would not even put into that creative writing final binder had i come upon it back then [not that it was appropriate for class...]
geek alert :[
i should stop waiting for everything
i need new music, new hair wasn't enough.
PEOPLE ARE RETARDED, I'M BORED
SPRING BREAK SUCKS :[
before i write anything interesting, it's time for some intro[outer?]spection.
i realized i'm an emotionless robot towards people. i can never show appreciation or graditude, can't even muster a "thank you" half the time. i can't show any form of affection towards anyone, even if they show me any. as in, not even towards my parents. i just expect people to do things for me, and therefore feel like i can treat them like shit.
[you can start reading now]
last weekend was fun and i can finally drive again, so i want to drive someone someplace! if only there were sompeplaces to drive. and there better be someplaces, because i want to go to all of them over spring break [astroworld, super happy fun land, hell, etc]. and i want to meet new people.
i hope me and jessie get jobs making sandwhiches with vanilla ice, sounds surreal doesn't it??????????????? i should go fill out that application now i guess.
i wish i had new clothing and a camera.
badd raffi: what are three things people could do to make this world a better place? i say 1. sleep naked. 2. eat bannana nut muffins 3. ride mopeds instead of cars
a scifi lullaby: i agree with all of those
badd raffi: oo.
a scifi lullaby: which is why we should all live in italy.
badd raffi: how true.
a scifi lullaby: only, i don't know if they're big on banana nut muffins.
badd raffi: they eat pastry's.
badd raffi: and a muffin is a pastry, i think.
badd raffi: so that's close enough
badd raffi: and i'm sure they all sleep naked in italy
badd raffi: i mean, it's italy
a scifi lullaby: and definately ride mopeds
a scifi lullaby: fuck, i wish i lived in italy.
badd raffi: damn, me too.
i slept for 3 hours this evening, then i took a shower and could see all these thick blue veins in my legs which were also had sporadically placed green and purple bruises that i as usual have no idea when they got there. it was all very ugly and not at the same time.
i hate all the impersonal college emails that want me to click on a link so i get swamped with impersonal snail mail and a "sneak peak" of the brochures i will be swamped with which invariably end up unopened in a pile on the coffee tables. those at least have pictures. but i don't have any idea of where i want to go to college [someplace warm?], any idea of what i want to major in college [i'm not above average in anything], or how to pay for it [my english teacher scared me from writing any essays, even scholarship ones].
maybe i'll go to college in mexico.
i cannot think, therefore i am not living.
oh, and the other day i counted [i had a reason, i think] and i've had bubble tea at 11 different places. ELEVEN.